I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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