but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize