these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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