Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
