Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My underwear smells like fireworks.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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