then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
