Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
