he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
