I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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