I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
