it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
