i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm bleeding and have questions
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
