two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize