I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
