Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
