mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize