____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize