I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Randomize