I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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