Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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