I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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