hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
