we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
