Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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