i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
