I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
