You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize