Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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