im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
