Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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