went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
