I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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