Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
