.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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