he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
