I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
