I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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