my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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