I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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