I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize