saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
