I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
