Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
