It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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