I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
