why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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