Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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