Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
