Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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