after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Come see our sink grown plant.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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