Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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