Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
