Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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