Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
