I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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