If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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