I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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