K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
