Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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