I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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