I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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