i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
