We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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