i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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