i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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