so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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