The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
