its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
