this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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