I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
