Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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