dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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